Disclaimer: This is a satirical interview and should not be taken seriously. The captain of the squash team has given us consent (he wrote most of it) to post this and this should not be referred to for information. We do not intend to hurt anyone’s sentiment with this article.

With BOSM right around the corner, the BOSM English Press sat down with Shrivas Chaterji, the captain of the squash team, to talk about an Informalz event and the club’s prospects of becoming a department this year. 

The squash tournament in his bosom is, to begin with a double-elimination group stage, wherein teams which lose two consecutive ties would be successively executed until four teams remain. Teams that survived the semi-finals will play the gold-medal match, and the losing teams will be asked to try harder next time. 

Talking about the team’s training schedule for the run to his bosom, Shrivas said he werks the team for about an hour and a half in the morning, followed by breakfast. 

They do not have an organized training regiment.

Until last year, the squash team comprised mostly of players. Hence, Shrivas had to build his team from scratch this year after the entire team simultaneously brought their A-game to the court, making Shrivas feel all the more inferior. For BOSM, the team (of four) is to break up into two—BITSaa and “Bb”BITS—comprising three players each.

Talking about the team’s past performances, Shrivas said he does not remember. The team could not go for an outstation tournament last year because of the war. He considers IIT Delhi as their major rivals, and is intimidated by their opinion of him. He is also afraid of werewolves.

Shrivas has been playing squash since he hit puberty, after being introduced to the sport by an officer who felt bad about his size. Hailing from a Naval background, he has proven his worth in several Naval U-16 and U-19 exhibitions behind the court. Shrivas said that although he is disappointed by his game now, he will ‘keep playing until it gets too intense and hurts my back.’

Lamenting his captaincy, Shrivas said that his experience as a captain was over. He is especially proud of having worked on the single squash court that they have—which had been in a bad state for a very long time—and now felt a lot bouncier. He believes that the additional responsibilities of being a captain did not impact his game as much as the war did. 

As a parting comment, Shrivas urged BITSians to visit the squash court.